A Siriusly Sirius Valentine's
by Rayniekinnz
Summary: 'Sirius' Valentine's surprise doesn't exactly go as planned...' Established WolfStar. Magical Creatures Competition!


**A Siriusly Sirius Valentine's **

Remus had always known his partner's devil-may-care attitude would get them into trouble one day – more trouble than usual, anyway – but this was absolutely ridiculous. He hoped James and Lily would come soon – dinner would unfortunately not be ready, but at least Sirius' _gift_ would be taken care of.

Remus knew he was acting a bit unfairly – the puppy eyes trained on his face were _not_ getting to him, dammit! – but it seemed as if everything just kept getting worse and worse. He had had a craptastic day at work and despite being the type to not really ask for anything, he had been fantasising all day about what they could do to celebrate Valentine's. He had come home expecting some wrapped chocolate, a cuddle and a nice cup of tea, mirroring what he had provided that morning as per usual, but it seemed Sirius had taken the holiday into his own hands.

Dear Merlin, Sirius was an idiot sometimes.

"Er…Happy Valentine's Day?"

Remus said nothing, arms crossed as he stared resolutely at the opposite wall. They were sitting side-by-side, hips touching and knees overlapping, so close they could smell each other's natural scents under their colognes. Sirius' hair brushed his cheek every now and then, eyes locked on his face for minutes at a time before he would sigh and look away, though it was never long before they wandered back.

"Moony…I said sorry…"

"'Sorry' isn't going to bloody fix everything," Remus hissed, making sure not to move his lips too much, voice low. He didn't doubt Sirius could hear him loud and clear.

"If you'd just let me st—!"

"For god's sake, Sirius! You can't just _stun_ it because it's in the way!"

"What the fuck am I supposed to do then?!"

"Keep your voice down!" Remus admonished in a mutter, sucking his teeth in irritation. "Just wait until—" he froze, keeping perfectly still. Sirius stiffened beside him – and not in the fun way.

It was staring at them – no, _glaring_, with its head cocked to the side in a distinctively bird-like manner. Its jewelled shell glinted in the dim light of their flat, beady eyes trained on them as if it expected them to do a trick, or something similar. Remus couldn't help but sympathise with the creature, even if it had herded them into a dusty corner of the living-room, keeping them from more – _loving_ Valentine's activities.

"We just have to wait until James and Lily arrive," he continued quietly, very aware of how the Fire Crab watched them.

"But that'll take ages!" Sirius argued in a whisper. "And I really have to take a piss!"

"Yes, well, it's your own damn fault for bringing the thing in here in the first place!"

"I did it for _you_!"

"You did it because you don't listen!"

"I do so!"

"I want locusts for dinner."

"And you could be a little grateful! Do you know how much that thing cost, shipping it in?" Sirius whined.

"Point and case," Remus rolled his eyes, though a smile curled reluctantly at his mouth. To be fair, he _had_ mentioned Fire Crabs, thanks to a book he had been reading, and 'I'd love' within a few hours of each other, if he recalled correctly – with as much fluff as there was in Sirius' head, he was surprised he hadn't bought a bloody flock of them.

Remus paused, suddenly thinking of something. "Sirius…"

"What? Are you gonna yell at me some more?" Sirius muttered, pouting.

"I _wasn't_ – never-mind that. Who authorised your license?"

"…license?"

"Oh dear Lord." Remus felt a bit lightheaded. "Your license! To keep the Fire Crab as a pet! Oh, Sirius, _please_ tell me you got a license…"

"Er…about that…it's a funny story, see…—"

They both sat ram-rod straight as they heard a strange sound then, Remus worried and Sirius relieved for the interruption, only to look at each other in horror as the Fire Crab suddenly darted across the floor, startled.

"Sirius? Remus? Anyone home? The Floo wasn't—"

"NO, DON'T COME—!" But they were too late.

James' eyebrows were never quite the same.

**Finis. **

* * *

><p><strong>English Idioms Challenge<strong>: 3. "Devil-may-care",

**The Magical Creatures Competition!** Creature - Fire Crab (XXX)

Description - _Despite its name, the Fire Crab greatly resembles a large tortoise with a heavily jewelled shell. In its native Fiji, a stretch of coast has been turned into a reservation for its protection, not only against Muggles, who might be tempted by its valuable shell, but also against unscrupulous wizards, who use the shells as highly prized cauldrons. The Fire Crab does, however, have its own defence mechanism; it shoots flames from its rear end when attacked. Fire Crabs are exported as pets but a special license is necessary._


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